Stalkers in Konoha
by PenaltyLife
Summary: SasuNaru Naruto has a fanboy club... and he doesn't know it. Sasuke is trying to get Naruto to fall for him, but what is this? Itatchi's in town? (lol I have no idea what I'm doing)
1. The Posse!

A/N: My failed attempt at humor... first fic, so, if it's bad, blame it on... somebody that's not me.

I don't own Naruto... and sorry the chapter's short... first fanfic ever so I have no idea how to handle writer's block. Oh yeah, sasunaru-ness.

Team 7 was assembled on a bridge. You might ask why, but that would be too troublesome to answer because, you see, their conversation was much more interesting.

"NARUTO! Apologize to Sasuke-kun for... talking!"

'_God, I hate her.'_

'_Would she just shut the hell up for once?!'_

Apparently, Naruto had woken up today and... been himself... And everybody knows that that leads to a very angry Sakura. To put it simply, she's a bitch.

"But Sakura-chaaaaan! I didn't do anything!", '_Even though you're too stupid to realize that.'_ The blonde boy said.

"Yes you did, yo-"

Sakura was (thankfully) cut off as their four-hours-late sensei arrived. "Yo! Sorry I'm late, you see, this lady got her hand stuck in a pickle jar, and she was so shocked that she couldn't move and-"

The word "LIAR!" Could be heard from the Water Country. If you don't know who said that, then I truly pity you.

"Anyway, onto more pressing matters! We have a VERY important mission to accomplish... and... well..."

Naruto cut in, "A MISSION! YATTA! B rank? A rank? A _plus_ rank?"

"Um... no... but... it _does_ have to do with ramen!" Kakashi said, trying to shut the boy up.

Apparently, it didn't work. "Ramen? RAMEN?!"

"Yes, we are searching for some runaway chickens." Kakashi explained casually.

Sakura (annoyingly) interrupted, "Um, sensei? What do chickens have to do with ramen?"

"Chicken ramen... DUH!" Naruto stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world, enjoying the fact that he was smarted than the prissy pink psycho for once. _'Damn straight!'_

"Naruto! You are correct!" Everybody sweatdroped (and I mean everybody, including the hokage, the rookie 9 the other 3, the senseis, the other townspeople, the animals...) Except for Naruto who was obliviously dancing around Sasuke chanting, "I'm smart, I'm smart, who's the dobe now?"

After Naruto was finished celebrating, team 7 went out to find the chickens.

"Itatchi-sama, we've found the target." Kisame said while staring at a gold head of hair directly below them.

"Good, good, cameras!" Itatchi said to Kisame.

Kisame replied by taking out a walkie-talkie, "Posts 1, 3, 20, and 40 should have a clear shot of Naruto-kun. Go for it, troops!" all the sudden, the clearing in which Naruto and Sasuke were searching for some chickens lighted up.

"AAHHHH the posse! They're after me! I stole some ramen! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" More flashes. Naruto was confused. "Hey Sasuke, do you think that's your fanclub?" Naruto whispered into Sasuke's ear.

'_Stupid fangirls disrupting my time with Naruto... I had a good angle for looking at Naruto's ass... damn.'_ "Hn... maybe." He threw a kunai at one of the flashes. Sand flew up and stopped it in the middle of its flight.

"That's strange... this is a forest... were'de the sand come from?" Naruto said, confused and dazed from all the flashing lights. Everybody in the 'posse' sweatdroped... and so did Sasuke. _'He's so unbearably cute...'_

'_Why the hell is Gaara here?!'_ Sasuke thought frantically.

"Day one of the 'Official Naruto FanBOY Club' in progress. We have sworn to stalk Naruto until the day we die because he's just so damn _sexy-_"Itatchi said into a camera.

"Itatchi-sama, we don't have time to go on a Naruto-is-so-sexy rant right now." Kisame said, slightly annoyed at said man.

"Fine... well, day one is commencing and... we are currently stalking Naru-chan... but... what is this? That damn Sasuke is here! My stupid brother must be here to steal him from us!" Itachi growled.. "Anyway, the Naru-chan fanclub has (surprisingly) many, many, many, many members. The president is, me, Itatchi. The Vise-president is Kisame... the rest of the group consists of, Kakashi, Iruka, Hayate, Neji, Gaara, Kiba, Shikamaru, and various other un-important villagers... oh yeah, some guy who looks strange with the name, Hinaro."


	2. The Play

A/N: Gah! Sorry for the lateness of chapter 2! Ariel was supposed to write it, but, what is this? She forgot about it and has seemingly fallen off the face of the earth! I haven't heard from her in two weeks and… she ditched this fic for another one (Yu Yu Hakisho or something….) so I, Monica will write this chappy! dramatic pose

OO my computer was humming really loud while I was listening to The Who… so I kicked it really really REALLY hard… and it stopped… whoa.

Replies to reviews!

aNiMePeRfEcT- Yay! You like it! And yes, he is _very_ addicting!

Mercury Bohemian- Lol confused people… I love to do that! (Confuse people, that is.) And yes, it _was_ rather short… but… oh well!

HikariChang-gets serious face- Yes, I am serious. You can join, too! But you aren't in Konoha so…. And Sasuke… doesn't know that there is one…. Lol

LeMoNs Chan- Yay! It's "cute"! And I will keep going! –strikes Gai's good guy pose-

Naruto's-Lost-Love- NOT THE PUPPY DOG EYES! And... It's great? I'm honored! –rivers of tears- my… chapter… was called…. Great! I'm so happy!

Wasabii- You love it…? –shocked- Wow! I'm so flattered! Thank you!

Nabooru Tsutsuji-nods- I'll continue! FOREVER! Lol… I'm ok… really. GAH! I love it when people say I'm funny or something I wrote is funny! I'm so happy!

Harbringer of Doom- Continued, yep yep. This is chappy two.

Neogem- ok, ok, a month later hardly fits in the category ASAP… but… thanks for your review! I'll try to be as funny this chapter.

Stormraven- Thanks for the review! I'm so sorry for the late update! TT

Kiharu-sama- …YAY! GOOD FREAKY! Lol I'm flattered… I managed to make freaky good.

Kyuubi-kun-… -cries- That makes my day! I'm so happy you liked it! –runs away from Itachi- GAH! Itachi, I'm sorry for the late update! Don't kill meeee!

Sasha- Well thought of? –sinks in- OMG YAY! I thought I was being terribly cliché… and you're right about Hinaro! (yeah… that was hard to figure out… -sweatdrop-) Hayate's dead? w/e… not now. Lol I saw some nice fanart for NarutoxHayate so… I was all, "That's pretty..." I sorta forgot what he was like, though….

Cookie6- Thanks! About to write more once I'm done with these replies….

Luna-Wow! You figured out Hinaro, too! Thanks for your review. Here's chapter 2!

PrvertedGoofness- You could always join the Naruto FanBOY Club's Official Club. And… Yay! My fic's "cute!" No matter how many times I hear that… I'm flattered.

Rach- Wow! You figured out Hinata, too! She's busted… -sweatdrop- at least nobody in Konoha knows. They're sorta dumb. Thanks for the review!

Half-Devil- Um… I dunno… I'm strange, therefore they _have_ to be there… because well, I said so. Glad you enjoyed it anyway. (Ignore them if you want)

Yuen-chan- Yay! You can join the Naruto FanBOY Club's Official Club, too! And Hayate's there 'cause of good 'ole fanart! Lol…

Paranoia-shoujo- Sasuke's not in the club because the members are extremely jelous of him, being in the same team as Naruto… and he acts all… not nice and didn't even realize that there was a club.

Yaoilover S- I dunno if I can write perverted-ness… but thanks for your review!

Yum- KYA! My story is loved! Thank you so much for your review!

Dark Mimiru-Chan- YAY! My fic is loved! And sorry about the late update… guess the "update soon" didn't get to Ariel enough for her to actually write chapter two.

WOW! That took two pages… but… THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS! I LOVE YOU GUYS!

Disclaimer- I don't own Naruto or any of the characters

Warnings- Shounen-ai, stalkers, SasuNaru, one-sided ItaNaru, GaarNaru, HinaNaru, KakaNaru, IruNaru, HayaNaru, NejiNaru, ShikaNaru, KibaNaru, InoSasu, SakuSasu and I really can't remember much else. oh yeah, in Ariel's chappys, there will be OCs. (I hate OCs… so… I don't write them.)

ON WITH THE FIC!

* * *

It was a bright sunny day in the village of Konoha, but there were some strangers to the parts roaming the streets. Two young ladies were walking down the street, oddly enough; shadows covered their faces so you could see nothing of what they looked like. They turned down a street into an alley-way, when suddenly…. 

"KYAA! IT'S A CAT! SAVE ME!" one of the mysterious figures screamed. She clung onto the girl next to her and jumped backwards… straight into a dumpster.

A little while later, they awoke from their fall. One of the girls, who was still shrouded in mystery, tried to push the lid of the dumpster up. It wouldn't budge.

"When did this close, anyway?" she asked.

Unbeknownst to her, this was a favorite spot for two very fat gangsters to hang out. Yes, gangsters. They would sit on that very dumpster and throw popcorn at punk yelling, "Yo punk! Not so great now, FO SHO!" And other oddities like that. For Konoha is a very strange place indeed.

* * *

With the "normal" people 

"We will be putting on a play! Or youthful energy should be used for something beautiful and elegant!" Gai bellowed to his team.

"Yes Gai-sensei! I will follow you!" Lee declared, with fire burning in his eyes.

"Gai-sensei, what play?" Tenten asked almost fearfully.

"SNOW WHITE!" Gai declared with fires of passion in his eyes, waves crashing in the background, and sparkly, mysterious things floating in the air around his head. "All the genin teams from Konoha are participating!" He added, as an afterthought.

Just then, as if on cue, Kurenai's team appeared, followed closely by Asuma's.

"I hope we weren't late…" Kurenai stated.

"Not at all."

**-5 hours later-**

Bickering could be heard from far off as Gai's, Kurenai's, and Asuma's teams waited for Team 7 to arrive in the clearing.

"SASUKE-TEME!"

"Dobe…. It's your own fault for falling into the river. I merely saved you from sure death."

"I WAS FINE, ASSHOLE! I DON'T NEED YOU SAVING ME ALL THE TIME!"

Everybody in the clearing cringed. _'There he goes again…'_

"Yo! Sorry we were late, it's just Naruto fell into the river and almost drowned, and Sasuke had to save him, but when he saw Naruto wet, _he_ had a problem, and he had to go out in the woods to relieve hi-"

"LAIR!" Gai, Lee, Tenten, Asuma, Kurenai, Ino, Choji, and Kiba yelled in unison.

"That was a pretty good chorus of 'lair'… but I'm, in fact, not lying at all. I'm being completely truthful. All of that happened, and that's why we are late." Kakashi said, in a rather bored, monotone voice while reading Icha Icha Paradise.

While everybody looked at Kakashi skeptically, Gai was thinking something along the lines of, _'That Kakashi, always acting so cool… I have a new-found respect for you…'_

"So, why are we here?" Sakura asked.

"We are putting on a play!" Gai cried enthusiastically. Everybody sweatdroped…

At the theatre, Tsunade was holding a script… and smirking evilly to herself. _'This'll be interesting...'_

When Sasuke was handed the script, he saw what role he was playing. He screamed. Not really, he just looked at it in utter horror, then disgust, then he simply hurtled it across the room, hitting Naruto in the head.

"What is this? A script? I didn't get mine yet…" Naruto started reading… and he started laughing, "HAHAHAH! SASUKE, YOU'RE THE PRINCESS! HAHAHA! SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU ASSH," he was cut off as Tsunade hit him with his script.

"Have any idea what role _you're_ playing?"

"No…"

"The prince."

Naruto screamed. Loud.

* * *

Sasuke ended up still being the princess, and Naruto the prince, with Sakura the Evil Queen, Ino, the mirror. The dwarfs were; Hinata as Bashful, Neji as Grumpy, Rock Lee as Happy, Kiba was Sneezy, and Shino was Doc. Choji was a boulder, Shikamaru was a pineapple, and Kakashi was the hunter, and Gai… was the…. Person…. That did stuff…. 

"So! Let's begin!" Tsunade cheered enthusiastically.

Sakura walked onto the stage and faced Ino, who was placed behind a hole in the wall. "Mirror mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest… -glances at script- um… of them all?"

"Fine Queen! You are but an ugly duckling compared to SASUKE-KUN! Wait... no... That's not right… you... um… the fairest is Snow White!" Ino said, stumbling with her lines (stupidly)

"Hey! Ino-pig! You're ugly, too!" Sakura (stupidly) fumed.

"Yeah, so?" Ino answered, breaking the wall down and punching Sakura in the face, "Stupid Big-Forehead!"

"THE SCRIPT!" Tsunade screamed, breaking all the windows in the theatre.

"Oh yeah…." Sakura said, but a mere whisper, "Who is this Snow White! She must die!"

"Um… she's your stepdaughter…" The "mirror" replied.

"My stepdaughter? I've never seen such a thing… I guess that's because I take too long to put on my makeup every day… and then I just… do nothing…" Sakura said in a monotone voice. "Wait… what? Why do I have to be so mean? And ugly? I'm the nicest, let alone prettiest person I know! This is awful!" Many coughs could be heard from the people backstage… knowing that she was the ugliest pink-haired bitch in the world.

-**5 hours later**- (said in Sponge-bob-ish voice)

"Can we just practice a different part of the play?" Sakura complained loudly. "I've been trying to memorize these…. 6… lines for hours!" Apparently Sakura was not very good at acting.

Tsunade agreed, and ordered everybody to get ready for their parts. Unluckily for them (but luckily for me because I forgot the story of "Snow White"), Kakashi had altered the script just a little… making it just a tiny bit… different.

The play went normally until Snow White (Sasuke) met the seven dwarves. As we all know, Neji and Kiba were wearing "We Love Naruto-kun 333" underwear… because they were in the official Naruto fanBOY club. Knowing the script of the play, they knew that they couldn't let it continue. Poor Naruto-kun would be forced to kiss the ugly, disgusting, and vile Sasuke.

When Snow White made it to the Dwarve's house-thingy-ma-jig, "Grumpy" and "Sneezy" put their master plan in motion. They, being very sneaky, had actually stayed home (gasp!) when the rest of the dwarves went out to mine… or whatever they do… and put wet pink paint on the pillows of the beds. Sas- er… Snow White, following the script, lay down in each and every bed.

Reading the script, Sas- er… Snow White was very confused. Half the lines were crossed out, and new ones were written in their place. He… or she… or whatever… decided to follow what it said, because he was too lazy to do otherwise. (and the author is too lazy to find a way to be all, he.. no she! For the whole chappy… -)

-Lies down in first bed-"This bed is too small." It must have been coincidence, but that bed was the biggest of all…

"This bed is too small-ish medium"

"This bed is too medium-ish small."

"This bed it too medium."

"This bed is too medium-ish large."

"This bed is too large."

"This bed is too large-ish medium."

Having lied down in all the beds, Sasuke decided to eat porridge instead. Walking into the kitchen (do they even have one?) he saw no porridge. Instead he saw Lucky Charms. Being as strange as he is, he decided he loved Lucky Charms and ate the whole box, plastic crap and all.

Eating all those Lucky Charms made Sasuke want to brush his teeth. Wandering around the house… thing… he found a bathroom. Looking in the mirror, he saw something strange. First, he saw that his hair was sort of-kind of _pink_, and that there were two paint cans behind him. He shrugged it off, because he just _had_ to brush his teeth. After all the "This brush is too small, this brush is too ugly, this brush is too used" thing, he decided to investigate. Who would leave there house-thing's door open, find a way to make his hair pink, and leave out Lucky Charms? This was **not** in the script.

Taking one more glance around the bathroom, Sasuke left. Right after he closed the door, Neji and Kiba climbed out of the bathtub.

"Hehehe… we got him good. He will never lay his hands on Naru-chan again!"

"Yes… he will quit the play and never get near my Naruto-kun again!"

"What? Naru-chan's MINE!"

"Who the fuck do you think you are? It was my fate to end up with Naruto-kun!"

-insert cat fight type thing here-

...OMG I FINALY FINISHED O.O...

_A/N: Omg… what a horrid person I am. I never update… ever… o.O Sorry for such a crappy chapter, I kind of never update, so I was half-way through and didn't know where I left off so I just wrote some random crap and… yeah… -.-;;;_


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